Mocktale: Vyapam ​suspects on extinction list, says study

Scientists of a hitherto unknown research organization called the Indian Department of Independent Opposing Trolls or IDIOT
s have come up with a study that says being associated with the Vyapam scam is 10 times more lethal than being in a MiG-21 fighter jet or facing an Indian serial killer.
The lead researcher, Professor Vela Banda, an alumnus of the now defunct IIPM and IIN, told reporters: “Over 170 pilots have died in MiG-21 crashes since the 1970s.Similarly, Salman, a goon arrested recently, is said to have killed some 57 people in 10 years. The enormity of the Vyapam scam came to light in 2013 and since then some 45 people have already died. This death rate proves that Vyapam scam is deadlier than a MiG-21 jet or an armed robber,” Banda announced.
“We discounted lightning deaths since 24,000 people die in lightning strikes annually and that was spoiling our figures,” he added.
Meanwhile, insurance companies have started to offer life insurance to all people linked to Vyapam — from cops to journalists to the accused. Sources say the premiums are very high.
Earlier, an advisory, purportedly issued by the central government, asked people linked to Vyapam scams to avoid lethal activities like crossing roads, watching films by the likes of Sajid Khan and Prabhu Deva and to stay away from anything that looks like a noose (because that’s just bad noose).
​IDIOTs' researcher Banda has urged authorities to do something for the “Vyapam people” before they became extinct like the dinosaurs. He even asked reporters at the press conference to mail money to his relatives in Nigeria for the cause.
Sources said Indian intelligence agencies are also hopeful of Dawood Ibrahim and Chhota Shakeel having played a role in the scam, which may lead to their ‘natural elimination’.